


Kusuo Saiki vs Tetsuo

by RickHammersteel



Category: Akira (Anime & Manga), 斉木楠雄のΨ難 | Saiki Kusuo no Sai-nan | The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.
Genre: Crack Fic, Crossover, Gen, Parody, Ultimate Showdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 17:16:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17329169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RickHammersteel/pseuds/RickHammersteel
Summary: Tetsuo needs to prove his strength. Saiki just wants his coffee jelly.





	Kusuo Saiki vs Tetsuo

I sigh as I look at my GPS. In reality, my thoughts turn to my two situations. One, that my target destination is a long way from the subway. Two, that I'm being written by a no-talent hack who decided he had no original ideas and wanted to use me to go up against another character.

You're probably wondering who I am. Though, why would you be reading this if you didn't know who I was, but regardless...

My name is Kusuo Saiki, I'm the most powerful psychic in the world. If you think that's cool, don't. Imagine every little thing in the world being easy. No challenge, no surprises, and especially no alone time. I have the power to basically take over the world. I won't because that'd be too much of a hassle, and I'd be too busy trying to fix all the problems that would be caused by being the world's only leader. Economics, rebellions, and being asked to do everything by civilians who won't do it themselves, really, why do bad guys in stories want that!?

Anyway, I'm getting off track. I'm currently in Neo-Tokyo(Real original name) looking for the one shop that sells coffee jelly. The shop, however, closes at an annoyingly early time, so I have to get there quickly. I put my phone away and walk through the busy streets, names sounding through my ears as two bikers ride by me.

"Tetsuo!"

"Kaneda!"

Really author? You went there. You really went there. The first stupid joke in this stupid fanfic, and it's the one joke everyone's made. You realize that didn't happen in the movie very often, right?

Lowest common denominator jokes aside, I ignored them and continued my quest. I weaved through the busy streets and the crowds. The shop closes at 3:00.

It's 2:30 now, if I speed walk, I could get there in time.

That's when I heard a voice.

"You!" I turned to see a man with an abnormally large head wearing a white shirt with a red cape. Must be some kind of superhero wannabe.

"I am Tetsuo, and I feel a great power from you!" The young man said. Great, He also thinks he's a shonen protagonist,"I must show my godlike power by defeating you!"

Not interested. I pull a 180 and walked away.

"Don't ignore me!" Tetsuo shouted behind me. I feel a rush of air come over me,"What, you are immune to my powers!?"

Actually, I'm just more powerful than you. Right now, that 's not a good thing for me.

"Then, in order to assert my godhood, I must defeat you!" I can feel the ground crack beneath me.

I sigh, he's going to be doing this all day, isn't he?

I then notice my destination before me. I let myself feel a little happiness. And then one of Tetsuo's psychic strikes destroyed the building in front of me, leaving its workers confused.

Now I'm angry.

I turn to Tetsuo, my face remaining calm. I teleport in front of him, noticing the look of elation on his eyes, before quickly put my two fingers to his head.

"Wait, what are you-?" Tetsuo's eyes widen with glowing golden energy. I took my fingers off,"My powers..." He attempts to push me with telekinesis,"My powers!"

I used my own powers to remove a tumor in his brain. It was for the best, if you've seen the movie, you'd know he'd eventually turn into a blob monster. I did not want to deal with that crap.

I turn, letting the police grab him, when I saw a trio of blue midgets in front of me,"Look, he stopped Tetsuo! All hail our bored savior!" They all held hands and began to sing,"Dahoo Dorez, Dahoo Dorez~"

I snap my fingers, bringing them back to their home dimension. I can do that, but it takes a lot out of me, and my walking speed becomes slower. It doesn't matter now. My quest has failed.

And then a hand gave me a bowl of coffee jelly. I look up, noticing a young with purple hair smiling at me. Reita Toritsuka, a boy who can see ghosts, how long was he here?

"Here ya go, Kusuo." He smiled at me. I took the jelly and began to eat it,"Um, you're not going to do that whole 'removing powers' on me, are ya?"

You're not worth it.

"Oh, thank goodness... Hey!"


End file.
